Saturday, February 28, 2009

I'm so young II

I'm so young in the Buenos Aires summer. Is that not something we seek in a place? A city, a town, a night sky that makes us feel young and alive and thriving in our bodies and selves?

When I first joined a biochemistry lab and everything was an exciting magic puzzle to sort out and I was the hot fresh talent, I felt young. Years later when I gave up those 80 hour work weeks and threw it all to the wind, heading back to Japan, I felt young. As I turned 25 in Japan, language slowly finding it's way back into my brain, days filled with challenges and nights filled with too much cheap beer and karaoke, I felt young. As I met people cycling up the Japanese coast in August, they'd say, oh, sure you can do a trip like that, you are young. But responsibility and routine combined with Japan's conservative ideas about what a woman's life should be at 30 and the years leading up slowly sucked up much of that youthful feeling.

And now here I am in Argentina and today I again feel so young.
tango dancing almost every night sometimes until 4 am.
sleeping till noon, and then napping, just so that I can dance all night again.
drinking frenet&coke with an international mix of friends
sleeping through breakfast served till 11... again and again
waking up to girls snickering in a hostel not mine
strings of cat calls and compliments (yeah yeah, I suppose I shouldn't be happy but honestly I feel complimented and it makes me smile and feel hot)
perfect city summer weather
hiding money in my bra when dancing
beautiful people everywhere in this city making out on street corners
riding the bus passing beautiful buildings
colorful graffiti everywhere, music pouring out of buildings

It's not everyday that I feel so young. and I'm happy about that too. 28 is easier than 24 was.

I have the confidence to not bother with people I don't enjoy and turn down drinks I don't want.
I have the money to rent a cute studio in a perfect location. (near a nice night life plaza, fantastic tango clubs and close to my school)
I have 10 years of dancing experience under my belt.
I can buy a second pair of dance shoes if I want to (and, yeah, I did...)
I know what I'm doing (or have gotten pretty good at faking it when I don't).
I can read a map and have more street smarts than the "kids" I meet.
I know how to learn a language and be ok with sounding awkward most of the time.
I have a better sense of when to procrastinate and when to buckle down.

I'm excited to start my teaching course on Monday and move into my apartment on Tuesday. I'm sad that I have to be at school 9 to 5 and therefore will not be able to go out as much or as late. But such is life. It's easy to fall in love with a city when your are filled with nothing but dancing and yoga (!) and friends and walking through beautiful streets and having drinks and dinner at midnight.

It's been a good week.

On Tuesday, I went dancing by myself for the first time here. I'd been the last couple of days as well, but always had people from the hostels tagging along and wanting to see what "real" tango was. But on Tuesday I was headed to "Practica X" which has only a intermediate/advance level. Supposedly more experimental, younger, hipper... basically where the beautiful, young, kick ass dancers of Buenos Aires come.

naturally, I was super intimidated.

So far, I'd been having some good nights dancing and doing really well in intermediate lessons and had taught a really good impomptu beggining lesson in my hostel a few nights ago --so I spent the bus ride to that part of town talking myself up. I arrived at the place to find its two huge black intimidating doors still locked and beautiful talented people milling about speaking in their beautiful Argentine Spanish to their beautiful friends.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
(tara, if you're reading, I was thinking of you)

but then I notice another slightly awkward looking person and smile. introductions are made and not only does this JAPANESE guy not speak any Spanish but is going to hit this place with only 5 months dancing experience. (I make friends with my own types over and over again. Give me a room full of people and I'll gravitate to the NWers and Japanese every time it seems....)

so.

Recently, I've been claiming my personal philosophy is that moxie can make up for lack of real skill, talent, or experience almost any day of the week. So I figured, to hell with it, you know what, instead of being intimidated, I'm just going to say: you know what, I'm pretty hot shit myself. Buenos Aires bring it on. Show me what you've got. Give me your best shot.

I went into the lesson (successfully ditching the Japanese guy for a partner more up for the level of the lesson) and when he was wrong and I was right, stood up for myself and my dancing skills. This is something I have not done FOR YEARS, possibly EVER. I have assumed that it's my mistake or that I'm not good enough to give advice and I never criticize.

But there I was, with some else who also thought HE was hot shit, standing up for myself on the dance floor. It was amazing and I've been running on a high from my new found attitude all week.

Bring it on Buenos Aires.

and for Lent I'm give up apologizing so fucking much. so there. I'm not giving up cursing, in fact, I'd rather expand my vocabulary in such. ha.

it's been a good week. the adventures continue....

12 comments:

thehinge.net said...

Moxy!! Moxy forever. Moxy between words! I fuckin love you sis. You are such an inspiration. Keep it up.

dajii said...

SUPER kickass Kori!!Dance the night away. I am so proud of you.YES!! like Dan, you are my spiritual insperation too. I so agree about the apology thing. A body can fall in that trap. there can be no apology for being who you want to be, even, or espesially if you are wrong. As long as your heart is real.
I recenty dumped this NY lady because she was totally self adsorbed. i have no guilt. i offerd no apology. She toxic. Although my brain cryed out to apologize, it was not my problem. I resisted, so a piece of me was not taken. Not her's to take. let not the world take from you, so you have more to give. As you have given to me now.
i love you kori. You are supreme AWESOME. get the apartment and move in a few hostelers. Dance and delight. Every moment here should be saturated such. gad i'm proud of you.
Hoping to hook with a treasure in belize and start a Biz. he's in the exact place i wanted to go.i begin to belive, that if youthink of it, without apology in your mind, It will come to you. it makes the world down hill to you. Can't wait to see you incredible person. we should speak spanish when we meet. Te Amo ...Dajii

Seph said...

It was a glorious feeling when I realized I was both old and young enough to do just about everything I wanted to do. Glad you're experiencing that, as well.

Sex & Tango said...

Fucking hell, you ARE hot shit!

inkandpen said...

I'm also loving this age-- something about being old enough to realize we're young, rather than young enough to need to pretend to be older. It is a good time.

Sending love to your badass self.

SonicLlama said...

Have to agree with Seph and inkandpen. This age is awesome.

And moxy. Fuckin' moxy. Moxy and confidence and that quintessential quality of having "it." It's amazing what it can do for you, where it can take you. Keep it up.

Murray said...

I'm glad you're doing so well! Keep it up!

Wish I could travel...

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