Sunday, March 05, 2006

upside down, inside out

I'm undecided if people can look beautiful when they cry. Is it only the damsel in distress who can capture a look of stunning beauty while tears roll down her cheek, or is it really just because she knows the techniques

most important: if you are crying, don't touch your eyes. you'll make they red and ugly at the same time as smearing your makeup. the drama and beauty is only possible when the tear roll freely and unabashedly down your face. when the emotion fills you to the brim and tears can't help but spill down your cheeks, is when that dramatic music starts in the background and teh violins tug at the heart strings. then, in that moment the audience catches their breath and says: she is so beautiful.

no one wants a girl with red eyes and raccooned from smeared make up.

but this all leads to the obvious question: why am I thinking aobut looking pretty when crying? which leads to the obvious answer: because I've been crying

which begs the next question: why

and here is the doozy of an answer:

because my job is being elimnated. because my students are being screwed over. because I am given no choice of where I will end up after KM is downsized. and I'm upset. I realize that there are silver linings to these frusterating clouds but I'm pissed right now.

I still don't have a lot of information but I'll post more when I know more. I'll propbably be moving soon, I'll probably be saying goodbye to the students I just happily reunited with. I'll probably go to the kiddy/munchin school full time. I'll post more when I know more.

but now, I'm off to Nikko. it's over a two hour train ride there but hopefully the fresh air will clear my head a little. I'll have some pictures and more thoughts on life, soon enough.

2 comments:

Kiki said...

My heart is crying for you, Kori. It's difficult to think that the powers that be would take you away from the students you have worked with and love so much now. Isn't the purpose of teaching to make that connection so that the students can be in an environment where learning becomes like food for the soul? You created that environment with your sweat and creativity. I can only hope that those powers reconsider and let you continue what you began. Do keep us posted.
I am finding in my own life after our huge life altering loss that I need newness (I'm just barely putting my toe into that ocean), but right now I mostly crave the comfort of what is known and secure... be it the people in my life I can talk to, my favorite walks, or our kitties who love me whether I'm crying or not. After an earthquake we need to know the ground is safe to stand on again. Take care. I love you.

Murray said...

Kori, I'm so sorry to hear this! I'm sure you'll bounce back, but it still sucks. =(

Much love,
M