upside down, inside out

I'm undecided if people can look beautiful when they cry. Is it only the damsel in distress who can capture a look of stunning beauty while tears roll down her cheek, or is it really just because she knows the techniques

most important: if you are crying, don't touch your eyes. you'll make they red and ugly at the same time as smearing your makeup. the drama and beauty is only possible when the tear roll freely and unabashedly down your face. when the emotion fills you to the brim and tears can't help but spill down your cheeks, is when that dramatic music starts in the background and teh violins tug at the heart strings. then, in that moment the audience catches their breath and says: she is so beautiful.

no one wants a girl with red eyes and raccooned from smeared make up.

but this all leads to the obvious question: why am I thinking aobut looking pretty when crying? which leads to the obvious answer: because I've been crying

which begs the next question: why

and here is the doozy of an answer:

because my job is being elimnated. because my students are being screwed over. because I am given no choice of where I will end up after KM is downsized. and I'm upset. I realize that there are silver linings to these frusterating clouds but I'm pissed right now.

I still don't have a lot of information but I'll post more when I know more. I'll propbably be moving soon, I'll probably be saying goodbye to the students I just happily reunited with. I'll probably go to the kiddy/munchin school full time. I'll post more when I know more.

but now, I'm off to Nikko. it's over a two hour train ride there but hopefully the fresh air will clear my head a little. I'll have some pictures and more thoughts on life, soon enough.

pity umbrella

I wanted to tell her that I couldn't accept it. I wanted to say that it wasn't as special as she thought. I should have told her to save it for someone else. She shouldn't hurry to give it away. I should have let her know that this wasn't my first time.




this is my second pity umbrella.

I mean, I hate umbrellas. I think they are useless at keeping your feet dry and I never have water proof shoes... so what's the point?

they are good for short people (eg the Japanese) to get revenge by poking out the eyes of the taller people (eg me).

you carry them around and they drip and are easy to forget...

but I must have some sort of umbrella karma because this is the second umbrella that a stranger has insisted I take. I am astonished that stragers give my their umbrellas when I'm out and about and cold. and I'm doubley astonished that this is the second time.

so I don't know what this karmic pattern is preparing me for... what situation will I be faced with to repay this specific type of kindness from fellow soggy shoed strangers?

what kind of destiny is this plethora of pity umbrellas preparing me for?